


these nails in my hands

by kolbietheninja



Series: KHR Crossovers [3]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Morally Ambiguous Character, Podfic Welcome, Reincarnation, Sawada Iemitsu's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25323733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kolbietheninja/pseuds/kolbietheninja
Summary: Iemitsu doesn't give a damn about him until he finds out about his flames.[OR: Touya apparently can't escape shitty fathers and siblings forced to carry the weight of their fucking legacies. He died without being able to help Shouto. He refuses to abandon Tsuna to his fate.]
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: KHR Crossovers [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1114413
Comments: 107
Kudos: 542





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _"These nails in my hands  
>  Erasing all the lines in the sand  
> I've got no regret  
> 'Cause if I could I'd do it over again, again"_  
> \- "Even If It Hurts" by Sam Tinnesz

**Prologue**

Iemitsu doesn't give a damn about him until he finds out about his flames. 

Touya spends his first six years of life blissfully unaware of the man beyond the fact that he exists. His mother, Coretta, and their shithole apartment are his entire world. 

Touya loves her with all the simplicity of a child, one who is completely dependent on her. She is often distant and distracted, only spares him the barest amount of attention when she's home. When she isn't, she leaves him with their neighbor, an elderly woman who is paid in Touya's labor. He sweeps and scrubs places where _Signora_ D'Arco can't otherwise reach, dries dishes, feeds and plays with her two cats. 

Between two and four every afternoon, they settle in for a nap. He eats all three meals with her. She enjoys cooking, and she's good at it. He tells her so, which kicks off lessons alongside his chores, and he begins to enjoy cooking, too. His mother usually picks him up after dinner, late at night. She puts him to bed as he babbles about his day, and he falls asleep to her low humming, to fingers in his hair, to the knowledge that he is not alone.

It's a simple life. It's a good one. _Signora_ D'Arco is brusque but good-natured. She doesn't mind if he doesn't talk much. She talks enough for the both of them. She's probably the only reason he's any good at Italian, or why he understands anything at all about the world beyond their apartment building. His mother makes sure he's taken care of, works so hard for the both of them. She didn't abandon him even if it would have made things easier for her. She never complains or has an unkind word for him.

Touya knows nothing of pain or fear, those short six years. He does not remember another life or an agonizing death. He does not remember rage or hate or the desperate need to be loved or the merciless sting of rejection. He does not remember that the world can be cruel and unfair. He does not remember that a parent can look at the child they created and find them wanting. He does not remember that a parent can treat their child like a commodity. He does not remember that a parent can love their child and still harm them.

He is reminded.

When he is six and some months, he slips, literally and figuratively. It's a rare day spent with his mother. There is milled vegetable soup simmering on the stove, filling the air with a savory scent that makes his mouth water. His mother is swaying lightly as she hums along to the song on the radio, always a pretty sound. The warm rays of the midday sun are making him sleepy, but he stifles a yawn by shoving another piece of watermelon in his mouth. He doesn't want his time with his mom interrupted by a _nap,_ of all things.

Then, it happens.

He drops his next chunk of melon and unthinkingly leans after it. He falls. Though the height of the counter he was sitting on is hardly anything to write home about, he is very small, and the floor seems so very far away. He has not learned that there are worse things than death. He is falling, and he is six years old, and he genuinely believes he is about to die.

He doesn't want to die. _(Again?)_ Something answers that determination inside him, and it rises up, floods his entire body, fills in gaps he hadn't known were even there. He hits the ground, but it doesn't hurt at all. Even if it did, he's far too preoccupied with the fact that he is on fire.

It feels right. It feels wrong. It feels like warmth and coming home and like bitterness and disappointment. It's purple, and it's perfect, and it feels like it should be blue. It's pretty, and it doesn't burn him, and this fact more than any other stumps him. Memories slam into him with all the force of a freight train, and he loses consciousness almost immediately, missing his mother's reaction entirely.

He doesn't know it, but this is the last time he will ever see his mother. His last chance at a normal life. She calls Iemitsu while he sleeps, seals his fate with damning words. He said to call him if the kid ever displayed unusual abilities, casually, as if it were a joke. They both knew it wasn't.

She sells him out without hesitation, choosing her own life over his. Touya can't bring himself to hate her for it, when he finds out. Resent her, maybe. Wish she had chosen differently. Want someone, anyone to protect him and put him first, for once. But just like Rei never had a choice, neither did Coretta. Iemitsu is just as formidable and untouchable as Endeavor was. Just as shitty. He doesn't even need to meet the man to know that much.

Touya remembers, now. The world is cruel and unfair. A parent can look at a child they created and find them wanting. A parent can treat their child like a commodity. A parent can love their child and still harm them. He won't ever let himself forget.

Iemitsu doesn't give a damn about him until he finds out about his flames. As soon as he does, he sends men out to pick up Touya the very next day. Blank faced men in crisp suits who reek of villainy.

Coretta is not there to see him off. When he wakes, his bags are packed, and the apartment is empty. _Signora_ D'Arco doesn't answer the door when Touya knocks, even though it's a Tuesday, and she's always up at this time. He tells himself he doesn't care, and as he is forcibly taken away from the only home he has ever known in this world, stubbornly refusing to look back or wonder why, he almost manages to make himself believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to get this idea out there, see if anyone was interested in me continuing? If so, chapters will likely be 2-3k. Let me know. :)
> 
>  **Edit:** Thank you for the support!! I will be continuing! I'm already a third of the way through the next chapter. ;)


	2. Age 6

Iemitsu is part of the fucking mafia. Somehow, Touya is not surprised. At least he has the balls to call himself a criminal outright rather than parading around as an upstanding Hero. He loses absolutely any points he could possibly have gained the moment he gives Touya a dumbass nickname, though, and he was already in the negatives.

As he leads him inside a fucking mansion, Iemitsu tries to act like he hadn't been a ghost Touya's entire childhood, like he hadn't just ripped Touya away from his only family without so much as a fucking warning, without any consideration or care, like he isn't just interested in using him, and Touya is not having it. He dodges all cuddling attempts and banal conversation, refusing to make any of this easy. If nothing else, Touya has never been accused of making things easy. He only gets angrier when Iemitsu tells a subordinate that he's just _shy._

He's seething with pent up rage by the time he's brought out before an old guy on some fucking throne like a show pony. That grandfatherly smile doesn't fool him one bit. Instincts honed from a lifetime of tiptoeing around a man who could and did lash out for perceived slights or no reason at all are screaming at him to sit still and be wary. Not to provoke the sleeping lion. Touya does not exactly have a great track record listening to those instincts. It's the reason he died.

But he is still only six years old, memories aside. One thing he did learn from his shithead of a father was to pick his battles. When the old guy is introduced as the head of the criminal syndicate, Touya knows this is a fight he cannot win. Not now, when he is still so weak and ignorant. When he has no allies and no plan to fall back on. So he sits still and remains wary.

The old guy is dangerous, even more so than Iemitsu. Makes sense, as the boss. He's the strongest person in the room, and he's looking at Touya expectantly, like he's waiting for something.

Inexplicably, he feels like he's been brought to an audition or a job interview, without any idea of what he's applying for. Joining the fucking Family, probably. He scowls and bites down on the poisonous words on his tongue and does nothing.

"Your father mentioned you were able to do something extraordinary, Touya. Something normal people are not able to do. I think you know what I'm referring to," Timoteo finally says, giving Touya the first victory. He brings up an aged yet steady hand, and orange fire sparks to life in his cupped palm. Despite himself, Touya is at once fascinated and afraid.

Fire has never meant anything good. Fire has only ever been fear and pain. Fire is a mother's will and personality withering away under terror and misery so great that it ends in her throwing boiling water at her youngest's face. Fire is siblings he never sees, shrinking under the oppressive might of a man who should never have been anything but kind and caring. Fire is watching his kid brother being forced into the mold Touya had never been able to fill because it was made for a man decades older than them with an inferiority complex as large as his ego.

Fire is what ruined his family. Fire is what killed him. Fire is **_his_**.

That a powerful man with absolute control over Touya's fate and in possession of a fire Quirk is asking him to demonstrate his own power has got to be some sick fucking joke. A cosmic prank. He'd laugh if he weren't so fucking determined not to crack before any of these assholes.

"Can you show me the fire you made yesterday, young man?" Timoteo says, and it's not a request. It's phrased like one. They want him to think he's got a choice here. That he's not being forced into anything. They don't suspect him.

He's not about to make them. As long as he pretends to be a normal six year old, he's safe. He has no way of knowing that for sure, but… People routinely underestimate children, especially men with delusions of grandeur, choking on their own self-importance. Endeavour never expected Touya to fight back, believed a little show of force and a raised voice would bring Touya to heel - up until the next time he shirked his authority. Touya relished the surprise and offense underneath that stupid beard every time he refused to cower or obey.

Maybe this world is different. Maybe self-proclaimed criminals have a better understanding of what kids will do when they've got nothing left to lose. He doesn't know, but he doesn't think so. He is being underestimated once again because of his age or his blood. Or his unquestioning obedience.

So...he'll bet on it. He doesn't really have anything left to lose, anyway.

He mimics the old man, raises a much smaller hand, calls forth that pretty purple fire that doesn't burn. It's effortless. Easy as breathing. It was beaten into him until he could do it in his sleep, after all. More than that, he can tell it's feeding off his emotions, fueled by steel-edged resolve mixed up with furious helplessness and a simmering rage. His Quirk was influenced by his emotions, too, but he can tell this fire won't hurt him, is in fact primed and ready to turn on everyone in this room, barely leashed by Touya's own iron-clad control.

Regardless, its appearance matches Touya's own cold, blank expression, burning calmly and steadily in his hand.

Likewise, Timoteo smiles at him, and it doesn't reach his eyes. Endeavor's viciously proud face overlaps it for a second, and Touya presses his lips together harshly at the surge of nausea that rises over him in response. Realizing this little demonstration is over, Touya extinguishes the flame and lets his hand drop to his side and purposely keeps it from clenching into a fist. 

The old man exchanges a loaded glance with Iemitsu, and then:

"Your power is very special, indeed, my boy."

He makes it sound like something to be celebrated, to be proud of, but the only thing Touya can hear is the tolling of a death knell. There's no going back, now.

Touya does not know until later - much later; once he's fully integrated into their world and done his own digging - that he has just fucked up. He has fucked up royally. He has changed the course of his life irrevocably.

It's not his fault. He couldn't possibly have known, and they did their damndest to make sure he never would. He was set up to fail. But still, when he thinks back on this moment in the future, he can't help but curse.

If his first mistake was awakening his power in front of his mother, then his second was wantonly showing it off in front of a damn mafia boss.

Welcome to the fucking Family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said chapters would be 2k, but this one reached its natural end. Everything I wrote after that was either superfluous or fit much better in another chapter. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Guess chapters will be as little or as long as they need to be.
> 
> Anyway, I want to be clear that I'm not trying to bash any of these characters!! They've got their own reasons for doing things, some of which *are* a little cold and calculating- but hey! It's the mafia! Canon had its fair share of dark and cruel stuff, too.
> 
> Also Touya is a very angry, traumatized kid, who has every right to be suspicious of and furious with Vongola and Iemitsu - who are criminals and who don't necessarily have his best interests in mind.
> 
> Obviously I subscribe to the Touya-is-Dabi theory, but here, he died before he became Dabi. Which is why I didn't tag the name. I'm thinking he died around 14-15 years old.
> 
> Iemitsu did not cheat on Nana! He hasn't even met her yet. Coretta was a sex worker, and she did love Touya. But he was never hers to keep, and she knew that.
> 
> Thanks for all your support!! I'm glad so many people were interested in this!! ;)


	3. Age 6-12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Frozen teen! I hope that you enjoy this chapter and that you have an awesome birthday! :)

He knew, objectively (intimately), that not all Heroes were good people and that a lot of shit said about them was just propaganda. Heroes weren't perfect paragons of goodness like the media portrayed. They weren't even all in it for the right reasons, like actually wanting to save people and make a difference.

Heroes were just people, and sometimes, people are shitty. Sometimes, people are giant man children with authority kinks. Sometimes, people abuse their wife and kids. The difference is that "people" aren't usually touted as the Number Two Hero and allowed to do whatever the hell they want behind closed doors.

 _Normal_ people want something to believe in, to depend on. They want a guarantee of safety and a scapegoat when things go pear shaped. They want to look the other way when something shatters the illusion and exposes the just-a-human underneath it all. There's a reason Touya never tried to tell anyone what was going on, after the first few times he was told he was "mistaken".

(No one wanted to believe that a Hero could be capable of something so horrible. So, they didn't. Choosing not to believe something awful is happening is a luxury only those unaffected can afford.

It was never an option for him. For any of them.

Touya thinks he could have become a Villain, just for that. Just to shake up some of that apathy, that cruel indifference, to _make_ them feel some shred of the horror and dread he's felt, the pain, strip away that thinly-veiled self-delusion and _force_ them to face reality.

They couldn't very well ignore him or the fact that they, that **he** , _made him_ when he was burning their precious society to the ground around them, could they?)

Heroes weren't perfect paragons of goodness like the media portrayed. Mafioso, however, have so far lived up to their nefarious reputation, despite the pretty picture they're taking such great pains to paint for him.

Once he's accepted into the Family, they don't waste any time shoving their own propaganda down his throat. They impress upon him the bonds between them and the tight knit community they're indoctrinating him into. They want him to want to be a part of it all, to believe in the image they're selling.

Vongola is good. Other Mafia Families are bad, except those allied with Vongola, of course. Vongola started as a vigilante group, so it's obviously better than all those other purely criminal families, even if it's clearly just as blood-stained and lawless now. Vongola protects its own, so he'll be safe too if he only gives them his cooperation and loyalty. Everything of substance.

Fortunately, Touya knows how to put on a facade of obedience. There was a short span of time where his desperation to be loved outshone his bitterness and common sense, a time when Touya thought he could win back his father's approval, make him look and _see_ Touya - see _him_ and not just his first and greatest failure.

He learned pretty quickly that once he lost Endeavour's favor, it was _better_ to be unseen and unheard. And back then, with only Fuyumi to look after, he didn't have a reason to drop the act. Endeavor ignored her as he always had, and unlike Touya, the sight of her didn't send him into a towering rage.

(That didn't stop her from flinching away from him whenever he moved too quickly or raised his voice. The fact that he never laid a hand on her didn't stop Fuyumi - and later Natsuo - from being afraid. In some ways, Touya had it easier. He didn't have to endure the harrowing suspense of wondering when Endeavor's control would slip and that blow would finally come. He at least knew what actions would result in a punch. His siblings lived in suspended terror of ever crossing that line, a hell from which they feared they would never escape.

God, but he _hopes-_ )

He only began to purposefully draw attention to himself once Natsuo's quirk came in, and he was also discarded. The repeated failures put Endeavor in a wrathful mood that would only abate once Shouto was born, so Touya threw himself in the line of fire (quite literally) to protect his siblings from the worst of it and never regretted it, not even once.

It's been years since then, but Touya still remembers how to feign compliance and deference, how to give the impression of surrender even as defiance boils within him. So he dutifully takes in the lessons (all the while separating fiction from reality) and allows Iemitsu to train him (but not _parent_ him), and he spends another six years like this.

He's kept apart from the main residence at HQ, squared away in one of the many secluded dwellings dotting Italy like corpses strewn haphazardly around some battlefield. It's still a giant fucking mansion, but it's a shack in the woods compared to HQ's sprawling landscape and massive odes to gothic architecture.

There's no obnoxious throne room, for one, and aside from the myriad maids, butlers, and nameless mafioso under Iemitsu, the place is practically a ghost town. The staff do their best to stay out of his way, and Iemitsu's underlings seem to have been under orders not to interact with him beyond relaying messages and occasionally pointing him in the right direction.

His only genuine human contact came in the form of Iemitsu, who blithely ignored Touya's obvious aversion to his touch and general presence, continually pushed against his boundaries both metaphorically and physically, and firmly cemented himself as the person Touya loathes most in this world,

Timoteo, who acted like some doting grandfather checking up on a wayward grandson rather than an actual literal murderer or the final nail in the coffin that bound him to a life and "family" that he'd happily abandon at his first convenience,

and his various tutors and instructors, who didn't often engage in idle chatter and remained politely distant the entire time he'd known them, who were likely also on strict orders not to engage with him.

After a blessedly warm and uncomplicated childhood with a loving mother and a home unburdened by suffering and unease, after familial bonds strengthened by the adversity they'd faced together under the shadow of a horrible man a lifetime ago, the time he spends here is unquestionably lesser, painfully hollow.

Touya is twelve years old. He has not seen nor heard of his mother in six years. He is constantly surrounded by enemies, with nary a chance to fully relax and let down his guard.

(Even trapped in the Todoroki residence as he was, he had had moments of peace, of quiet, of tranquility. Solace in his twin's company, in Natsuo's innocent exuberance, in Shouto's sweet smiles, in the all too rare lucidity in their mother's eyes - stolen snatches in time, carefully hoarded and held close to his heart, whenever their father had been away.)

As much as he doesn't want to admit it, Touya is lonely. Has been lonely for a long time. Perhaps, if he hadn't been, he would not have been so quick to agree to meet Timoteo's son. Then, maybe he would still have had a chance, however small, at escaping.

As it is, when he gets the request, he accepts and finds himself escorted back to Vongola HQ within a few days, the chapter on his long lonely years shut away in what might as well have been a castle closing and a new much more exciting, more dangerous chapter about to be ripped wide open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments, kudos, and bookmarks! I'm happy you guys are enjoying this! ;)


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